but why would you even give him the waterbed
he had scissors
for hands
scissors
I LOVE HOW THIS DOESN’T EVEN MENTION WHAT IT’S ABOUT BUT EVERYONE KNOWS.
who else has fucking scissors for hands
(via mrsdoubtfirecrotch)
My history professor asked who we wanted to have as the next pope and I chimed in Oprah and my prof just stands there laughing for a solid minute before he whispers
Poprah
#YOU’RE GETTING SAVED #YOU’RE GETTING SAVED! #EVERYBODY HERE IS GETTING SAVED!!!
IT GOT BETTER
#If you look under your chairs you will find a brand new key…TO SALVATION!!!!
wow it got better
(via mrsdoubtfirecrotch)
One time I heard my boyfriend had sex with another girl. So I called and asked him about it and he denied it, so I called the girl and she denied it too, and then I called my boyfriend back and told him that the girl had told me everything and he replied with “it was just one time. It meant nothing.” And then I replied with “fuck you, she didn’t tell me anything.” And that’s still my favorite story to tell.
(via mrsdoubtfirecrotch)
on a scale from robert pattinson to robert downey jr how much do you like your character
(via mrsdoubtfirecrotch)
